MMDCCLXI AUC
(11 January 2008)
Today, the Flamen Carmentalis, assisted by the Pontifices, offers sacrifice at the shrine of Carmenta, which stays next to the Porta Carmentalis near
the Capitol. The two days of the Carmentalia are separated by an impair number of days (the second day is on January 15), which is especially pleasing to the Gods.
I borrowed the following from Bob Patrick's Latin Proverbs.
Dum bibimus, dum serta, unguenta, puellas poscimus, obrepit non intellecta senectus.
While we are drinking and demanding garlands, oil and girls, old age sneaks up on us unknown to us.
Juvenal, Satires, 9:128-9
Another way of putting this might be as a statement: When we wake up one morning and discover that old age has definitely arrived (however one determines that) what do we want to look back over our shoulders and see?
The best answer to that (only fools try to answer this question for others-so call me a fool) may be that we are utterly unattached to the past, and that we are fully at peace to have arrived at old age.
It still leaves ME asking for myself: am I living today in a way that I can let today go when today is over, and not regret it tomorrow? If so, old age, when it arrives (I'm sure that aging is happening, but not ready to call myself "in" old age) will be just like another day.
That would be nice.
Bob
Regret, I feel, is a wasted state of mind but it is an emotion that sadly is far too easy to become its victim. I disagree with the idea that 'we are utterly unattached to the past' because I do believe that life is a process through which many factors and experiences have had an impact upon whom we are today. I am not a sociologist or a psychologist but I do know that certain events and individuals have influenced the direction of my life. I came from a family that taught me that the greatest good which one can experience occurs in service for others. I had a professor in college who became both mentor and friend to me, and he opened my mind to a world of words and language and people and the diversity of their cultures. He taught me the joy and learning that can be derived from studying Latin Literature. This man was largely responsible for what became the reality of my adult life which was teaching Latin for twenty six years in a Virginia high school. The murders of John Kennedy, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Robert Kennedy in my adolescent youth as well as the Vietnam War and President Bush's War in Iraq have had a profound impact upon my World View and the role the US should play in it. One of the most defining moments in my life came in the summer of 2000 when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis at the age of fifty one. I think I live a life more of Thanksgiving than of Regret. It is difficult though to let loose of that anger when chronic illness takes away your ability of being a self sufficient and independent person.
I have two poems that I have posted before but I think they are still important and I hope you take the time to read them and consider the emotion that brought them into being.
Forgotten Yesterdays
A yesterday can never be forgotten though
it maybe shrouded in the mist of time and space.
Memories are spiritual dreams that can speak
to us a reality that no veil can conceal from our mind.
Yesterday I met a friend in class and who would ever know that
forty two years and beyond we still knew what a friend really means.
Riding bikes, Chevrolets, Movies and Drive - In cruising we shared.
Innocence born of ignorance haunted us then and it can still delude the mind.
Yesterday I kissed the sweetest lips and realized that my innocence
had come to lift me into a realm that I never knew or believed could be.
Where was the oracle to enlighten my psyche of everything to come and
to prepare me for the joys as well as the heart aches to come.
Yesterday my mother told me not to play with guns because whether
it may be a toy or something more lethal - it will only leave the image of death.
Then Uncle Sam came and told Joey down the street it was time to
answer freedom's call while I studied Latin in the hallowed halls of academia.
Yesterday my mother called to say that Joey died in place called Khe Sanh.
I wept for a friend not just for his death but a government that allowed
him to die and me to live. Where is the nobility when such injustice reigns?
Still to this day I look for answers when the old send the young to die.
Yesterday I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and looked into my
wife's eyes and asked her to explain why me and why now.
She had no answers because there are none but she told me to remember that I
will have many tomorrows where others only have yesterdays from a past that is no more.
© Senex Magister
It Is Hard For Me To Think
It is hard for me to think
Without the thought of another.
It is hard for me to see
Without her eyes to guide.
It is hard for me to feel
Without the tenderness of her touch.
It is hard for me to believe
Without the consciousness of her heart.
When I was young and whole,
She taught me how to smile and laugh.
When my hand moved where they shouldn't be,
She smiled with a gleam that brings sweetness to one's heart.
When I asked her to speak and tell me the truth,
She opened my heart to something new.
When I was alone and knew not what to do,
She came into my heart and filled it with joy.
I live a life now that is broken in body, but
Her love is pure and clean.
I know of sorrow and grief of what can not be, but
Her breath and smell brings hope to one's soul.
I cry and complain with a heart so torn, but
Her presence show me God's grace and love.
I moan and sigh with the pleasure of youth because
Her beauty and softness keeps me whole.
Who do I speak of when my dreams do not know?
She is the spirit that gives life and love.
Who do I speak of when I can not see or hear?
She is my friend who holds me close and dear.
Who do I speak of when I am sick and hurt?
She is my soul mate who cares for me and keeps me sane.
Who do I speak of when I feel lost to the world?
She is my wife whose selflessness has always shown me the way.
©Senex Magister
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